Dispatches from the Rotner/Uhr Basement: 2.2

I have two warts on my feet. They're either warts or something else, but I'm almost certain they're warts.

My stepmother says she thinks they're callouses, but I know that she knows they're warts. I also know that she thinks my warts are a direct result of my constant paranoid obsession with warts; I could see the judgmental glint in her eye as I pestered her to look more closely at my feet.

I'm sure you are all as appalled as I am by these recent developments, but let us endeavor to remain calm and rational, so that we can make it through this difficult time with as little disruption to our lives as possible.

I know you will all be praying for my speedy recovery, and as always, I appreciate your support.